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Thursday, August 24th, 2006
2:06 am - Independent Woman Road Trip 2006

Hello there, readers!

Although it has been quite some time since I fired up the ol' LiveJournal, I figured that Independent Woman Road Trip 2006 was as good a reason as any to utilize this tool once more. I would like to have a decent log of my trip available both to myself and to anyone else who might be interested (in other words, my mom).

For those of you who are unfamiliar with IWRT2k6, suffice it to say that, for various reasons, I have decided to take 2 weeks off from work and drive around the eastern half of the United States (and Canada too). This past year or so has been somewhat rough on me, and I think some time away from Jersey to reflect on my life is much needed.

So, without further ado, I give you...

Independent Woman Road Trip 2006
Part I

The PrologueCollapse )

ConnecticutCollapse )

Upstate New YorkCollapse )

TorontoCollapse )

More to come soon. Keep your eyes out for Independent Woman Road Trip 2006 - Part II, which will cover my visits to Chicago and beyond!

current mood: accomplished

(8 protests |yell at me)

Thursday, December 18th, 2003
1:00 pm - Yeah....

So this is the phone conversation my sister and I had last night:

Chelsea: So, what do you think we should get Steve for Christmas?
Me: I don't know. You're sitting right near him, ask him what he wants.
Chelsea: Okay. (turning away from the phone) Yo Steve, what do you want for Christmas?
Steve: (mumbles something I can't hear)
Me: (thinking out loud) Man, it's probably going to be something really stupid.
Chelsea: (to Steve) You want a what Barbie doll?
Me: Oh God.
Steve: Mumble mumble blah blah blah I'm Steve.
Chelsea: (to Steve) Well...if that's what you want. (to me again) Um, Jess? Steve Olivia Newton John Grease Barbie doll.
Me: A what?
Chelsea: (deadpan) He wants a Barbie doll. Of Olivia Newton John. From Grease. In the whore outfit.
Me:, in essence, what you're saying is...Steve...our 42-year-old step-father...wants a Barbie doll. For Christmas.
Chelsea Yes. Yes, that is what I'm saying.

If it were any man but Steve, "Mid-Life Crisis" would be written all over this.

current mood: less confused than I should be

(10 protests |yell at me)

Thursday, December 11th, 2003
1:54 am - Updating Because I Said So

Well folks, it's been several days since my last class of the semester ended, and I've yet to start studying for my finals. And, as if my efforts to procrastinate weren't already noble enough, I've decided not only to update my LiveJournal again, but also to play around with Photoshop and make a bunch of new userpics. At this rate, studying for my finals should commence approximately 5 days after finals week is over. But only if I'm lucky.

So you're probably all wondering what I've been doing instead of studying for my finals. Then again, based on the date of my last public entry, you're probably all wondering what I've been doing since August. But instead, I'm just going to tell you about what I did today.

I woke up and promptly avoided studying, or, for that matter, even looking at anything that could have been classified as a textbook. Then I ate tacos, and they were delicious. So delicious, in fact, that they reminded me of how great life is, and I was in such a good mood that I figured it would be a terrible shame to ruin it by studying for my totally boring final. So instead, I headed over to Riker to see my boyfriend, Adam, and my friends (his quadmates), John, Meekin, and Dan. While there, I ate Pringles and watched the four of them fight each other with an assortment of potentially dangerous items, which included (but were not limited to): traffic cones, stress balls, a large cardboard tube, and a towel that Meekin, for whatever reason, kept referring to as "The Doombringer."

After about an hour of watching this, I decided it really was about time I stopped goofing off and did something responsible. So I went back to my room, sat down, and made a list of everything that needed to be done, in order from most to least urgent. The first two items on the list were:

1. Start 10-page final paper for American Short Stories of the 20th Century (due Monday, Dec. 15)
2. Study for super-hard Romantic & Victorian Lit. final (which will take place on Monday, Dec. 15)

I also think it's important to note that the last two items on the list were:

435. Obtain bag of doritos
436. Deposit check from dad at the bank

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Jess, you did the last two things on the list, didn't you? You deliberately neglected your most important responsibilities, and completed two highly unnecessary tasks instead, didn't you? are one lazy piece of crap."

But you know what? I stand by my poorly thought-out decision. After all, I can do the first two items on Sunday night, but my hunger for Doritos could easily have vanished before then. That was something I needed to take care of, before it was too late. On a related note, the bank isn't open on Sunday.

Everything that happened between the bank and dinner was a blur. In fact, I don't remember dinner especially well, either. I do, however, remember that after dinner, I looked at digital cameras online, and then took a shower. While in the shower, I noticed that someone had used their finger to rub "Laura is a slut" onto the window. This was the extent of my reading for the day.

After the shower, I went back over to the quad, and this time they weren't trying to kill each other, which was nice. We talked about politics for awhile, and then Nick came in reeking of a mixture of cigarette smoke and just general uncleanliness, which had the magical effect of converting the conversation topic from politics to Lord of the Rings. Go figure.

So now it's nearly 2:00 AM on Thursday, almost a full three days since my last class of the semester ended, and I've yet to do anything that could possibly be construed as productive.

Oh yeah, except maybe the bank thing.

**Quote of the Night**
Maya: That's quite a box you've got there, Jess.

current mood: defensive

(6 protests |yell at me)

Sunday, August 17th, 2003
2:08 am - Stuff

Well folks, once again, I'm here to announce that, despite the lack of updating, I have not died.

I guess I haven't been keeping up with my LiveJournal updating the way I used to. It's not that nothing is happening in my life, it's just...well, it's a number of things.

It has always been a strict rule of mine that I will not, under any circumstances, lie in my LiveJournal. Exaggerate? Absolutely. But I refuse to lie. I created this journal primarily for the purpose of being able to record my life. I don't want to look back on things that never happened.

Many people out there with LiveJournals know their audience, and write to fit the image that audience holds of them. I am aware that a great deal of people read (or at least know how to find) my LiveJournal. But I would rather cease updating altogether than fabricate my own life to satisy people's expectations of who I am, what I'm doing, etc.

I've been hiding things from certain people, I'll admit it. And, believe me, I have every intention of being upfront with those people at some point in the future. They deserve to hear the truth from me, not from a webpage. Before I can really start writing in this again, I need to set the record straight with everyone, about everything.

Let me just reassure you all, however, that I am doing fine. This has been a long and confusing summer, no doubt. I did some things at the beginning of it that I can't say I'm extremely proud of, and have been wandering in and out of a strange sort of jaded depression because of that.

On the bright side, I've figured out a great deal about myself. Finally, I can say with confidence that I know what I want. I've thought about it for a good long time, I've made some important decisions, and I plan to stick to them. And if anyone has a problem with any of them, that's just too goddamn bad. Because I have resolved not to waver this time.

No, really. If you have a problem with any of my decisions, I'll kill you. I'll kill you until you good an' dead. Just look what happened to Shane when he had a problem with me:

Yeah. You heard me.

current mood: contemplative

(5 protests |yell at me)

Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
2:52 am - I'm Totally Crushing

Today was a day dedicated to two things, and two things alone--children and pirates.

My dear friend Katie is currently in some unspecified location, and so I have temporarily seized her ridiculously overpaid position as babysitter for an 11-year-old girl named Noelle.

Now, I'm pretty sure most of you out there are quite familiar with the special relationship children and I share. I'm absolutely terrified of anything under the age of 13--yet, for some sadistic and inexplicable reason, they are very much drawn to me. I think my fear attracts them in much the same way that blood attracts sharks. It's very peculiar.

Noelle was no exception to this rule, and bombarded me with questions the moment I was within her line of sight. However, I found myself getting less and less nervous as the day progressed. She's actually a very intelligent girl for her age.

Children are astoundingly perceptive. In the middle of one of our conversations, she stopped abruptly and asked what my normal hair color was. I was totally shocked. Most people fail to realize that my hair is not naturally red, despite the fact that (1) my eyebrows are not red, and (2) I'm a complete slacker when it comes to touching up my roots.

And I'm starting to suspect that how old I look is somehow fully dependent on my present company. Back during the school year, when I went out to eat with Chris (who's 22), I was, on several occasions, offered alcohol. Today, when I went to Friendly's with Noelle, I was offered a children's menu, and a bendable, color-changing straw. I ordered from the adult menu, but let's just say I didn't exactly decline the second offer. Seriously, it's like the coolest straw ever.

After work was even better. I was going to stay in and sleep/be dumb, but instead I decided to see Pirates of the Caribbean for the second time, with Chelsea, Brian, Brendan, Colin, Jim, Corey, and Mike (aka "The Stange"). Jim and Corey tried to steal the poster for the aforementioned movie, but failed to do so, mainly due to stupidity.

I'd just like to mention that Pirates of the Caribbean is currently the only film that I have ever watched that actually makes me want to have lots and lots of sex, with anything. Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and female lead whose name I am not familiar with, are all SO HOTT. When Orlando Bloom and female lead kissed at the end, Brian and I were trying very, very hard to figure out which one of them to be more jealous of. We never actually reached any sort of conclusion on that issue.

Then we headed on over to the Fay household where we partook of old NES games and weird fruity soda. Corey left at some point with my right shoe. We were all under the impression that he had every intention of coming back and returning it. However, after he'd been gone for about 3 hours, we realized were greatly mistaken. The haiku in his away message kinda tipped us off:

Jess's Foot is Home
The shoe was ripped from its home
I have jess's shoe

My shoelessness prompted us to call in Dan for some reason, and upon his 1:30 AM arrival, we set out for Corey's, armed to the teeth with swords and ice scrapers. He returned the shoe. Nobody was harmed. Well, Corey may have been. And Dan kinda thwacked me in the arm with one of the swords. But whatever, the ends justify the means.

So now I'm here, updating, exhausted, not looking forward to the fact that I have to wake up at 7:00 AM tomorrow, again. I guess it's time for sleep. Yeah. I'ma go do that now.

current mood: piratey

(8 protests |yell at me)

Friday, July 11th, 2003
5:39 pm - Life in General is Just Weird

I'm confused about everything. Just thought I'd mention that.

current mood: contemplative

(10 protests |yell at me)

Saturday, July 5th, 2003
1:49 pm - Yup.

The following awesome piece of furniture will be in my room in roughly 9 days:

The futon on the bottom folds out into a full-sized bed. Excuse me while I orgasm several times over.

current mood: excited

(11 protests |yell at me)

Friday, June 27th, 2003
8:44 pm - Holy Shit!

They said it couldn't be done.

They said we didn't have the motivation, the focus, the talent.

They said failure to complete what we had started was inevitable.

Well, guess what?


Because today, Dan and I finally finished a project that we have been working three long years on--our movie script.

And it is absolutely brilliant.

Auditions are Saturday, July 12th. More information to come when we determine it.

current mood: accomplished

(3 protests |yell at me)

3:28 am - Dolphin Sex

The following is a conversation that occurred in the Hibernia Diner a few hours ago.

Kevin: So I watched the first half hour of Saving Private Ryan and then deleted it, since I just wanted to see the Normandy scene.
Jim: You know, my grandfather was at Normandy. He survived, and then later in the war, he was shot in the back and lived. (Note: Jim's grandfather is still alive and kicking)
Liv: Wow, yeah, my grandfather survived the Nazi concentration camps during that time period.
Jim: Oh wow, that's pretty impressive.
Kevin: grandfather's an alcoholic.

I swear to god, I almost choked on my milkshake.

current mood: guilty

(6 protests |yell at me)

Thursday, June 26th, 2003
5:31 am - And on another note....

Well, of the seven pictures appearing in my poll, I wanted to use the three favorites as LJ icons. Unfortunately, the three favorites all have 12 votes, and the other four all have 7 votes. This is only a problem because two of the top three are, you know, the same picture (one's in color and one's in black and white).

I will not have the same picture twice, in different colors. Those of you who have not yet voted need to go to that post and vote now, for two reasons: (1) because I am incapable of making decisions on my own, and (2) because I know where you all live and can hurt you. And by "can," I mean, "might be able to, provided you were asleep."

Come on now, seriously. Like 200 million* of you have me listed as a friend. I know for a fact you haven't all voted. So get going, you bastards.

* 44 at last count

current mood: indecisive

(6 protests |yell at me)

5:19 am - Stephen!

My stepfather, Steve, is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact, he's kinda the spoon that got thrown in there by accident. But occasionally, he'll say something that'll make me proud to know him.

Quote of the Night:

Guys don't really mature. They just die.

current mood: feminist

(1 protest |yell at me)

Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
4:43 am - This Post Contains Pictures

Well, I have once again upgraded to a paid account. This means I have room for more userpics! W00t!

And, of course, we all know that when important decisions come along, I often times turn to others to make them for me. This is one of those times.

Time for a poll.

Poll #149401 New UserPics!

Check the ones you like!

They're all pretty much crap.


(22 protests |yell at me)

Monday, June 23rd, 2003
4:59 am - Failure McFailure

This weekend was odd in that on both Saturday and Sunday, I had a terrible morning and an awesome evening.


Woke up sick. Went back to sleep. Woke up sick again. Went back to sleep, again. This process was repeated until I woke up not sick. Then I groggily forced my body into the shower, because for whatever ridiculous reason, after like the 3,425,665 hours of sleep I had just gotten, I was still tired. I swear to god, at this point, my circadian rhythm is far beyond repair. I don't think my body's even really trying to fix it anymore. At some point, it just sorta said to me, "Jess, listen, I'm sick of this crap. I can't possibly adjust myself to your sporadic sleeping habits. You just do your thing, and I'll do mine, and hopefully we'll meet somewhere in the middle."

I mean, of course my body didn't actually say that to me, that would make me an insane person. But it was definitely implied.

Anyways, after the cleansing and packing rituals, Chelsea and I were off to the first ever HOOTERNANNY. For those of you slower readers out there, a Hooternanny would be an all-girls hootenanny. Get it? Hooters? Yes, I know, we're so very clever.

This event left us with some good quotes. Sadly, I no longer have the quote sheet before me, but this is what I can remember:

Katie: Okay, Angie, you have to stop talking about your dog's penis, because I'm seeing it, in my head, and I don't wanna!
Angie: Well, stop thinking about it!
Jess: Yes, look away from the mental picture.

Katie: Logic makes sense.

Michelle: Yeah, Brian McDonald ran up to me in the mall and gave me a hug the other day, and my dad threatened him and yelled at him.
Jess: How can you yell at Brian McDonald and feel good about yourself? I mean, geez, why don't you just throw a spear at Jesus?

Chelsea: (in the middle of a dead silent pause in the conversation) Somebody threw away my made me so sad.

The last one was hilarious for two reasons: (1) because it had absolutely nothing to do with anything at all that anyone was saying, ever, and (2) because Chelsea sounded genuinely forlorn when she said it, as though she were deeply lamenting the loss of her precious toothbrush. Maybe you just had to be there.

Also, at some point we came to the realization that we lacked a fourth GameCube controller, and so decided to raid the Fays', figuring that anything we could ever need in terms of video games could be found there. So we set out in Liv's mini van, 100% prepared to burst into the Fay basement in our pajamas and confuse them whilst Chelsea, being the smallest, swiftest, and probably most intelligent of the group, searched frantically for the controller we so very much desired.

Naturally, this just so happened to be the first time in my entire life that I have ever entered the basement of Brian and Brendan Fay to find it completely and utterly devoid of life. This was both shocking and bewildering, considering hanging out in their basement does not necessarily require either of them to be conscious and/or home.

However, our breaking and entering did not go unnoticed, as Brendan Fay soon came downstairs to investigate the noise, wielding what appeared to be a broomstick. He never got a chance to use it, however, because by the time he snapped out of confusion and once again regained the ability to both move and speak, we had found the desired item and were scurrying back to the mini van.

I think I can safely say that the first-ever Hooternanny was a big success. I enjoyed myself a lot more than I had anticipated I would.


This day started out far worse than Saturday, as Chelsea and I woke up early and were forced to attend the Christening of some baby in our family. This kid is apparently our cousin. I've only seen him a grand, whopping total of once prior to this event.

Have I ever mentioned that I don't like kids? Well, in case I haven't, here it is for the record: I don't like kids. Babies and toddlers specifically. I especially dislike them when they're:

(A) producing noise of any sort, from any orifice,
(B) constantly scampering,
(C) touching me, or
(D) in large groups.

Of course, all of these things combined are exactly what I was subjected to for what seemed like several days, but was probably more like four hours.

It didn't help much that Mom and I got into a fight in the car, which I will assume most the blame for. Guh. Seriously, though, I don't think I've seen that woman sincerely happy in years. I wish I knew what to do for her. Then maybe she wouldn't explode at me for not wanting to attend a family function I have no reason to be attending in the first place, seeing as my presence basically went unnoticed by everyone except for Uncle Tom and Aunt Fran. One woman kept calling me "Dana" the whole time, which isn't even remotely close to sort of being my name. I mean, it was bad enough that someone called me "Chelsea," but that was just insulting.

I guess I can't get too upset over it, though, since I really didn't know her name either. Now that I think about it, that's actually kind of a clever idea--if you don't know someone's name, just make it up. This way you can bypass the awkwardness of asking them.

The evening was far better. I had a night out with my collegiate homies. Pete picked me up and then we were off to Mike's, where I saw him for the first time since the Memorial Day Hootenanny, and Julian for the first time since school ended. It was the four of us plus Mike's crazy friends. Daniel Riccio did not join us for unknown reasons, but we theorized that it was because he was eating dinner with his parents, because that's what he's always doing.

I had an awesome time, despite the headache and the fact that I was still a bit upset from the fight I'd had with my mom. We ate pancakes and watched Back to the Future II, which I had never before seen in its entirety. Please, nobody kill me for admitting that.

Okay. Bed happens now.

current mood: drained

(9 protests |yell at me)

Friday, June 20th, 2003
6:59 pm - Fro Licks

Because I don't believe I've yet mentioned it on LiveJournal, I'd just like to let the world know that Dan and I are writing a movie, and it is amazing.

The two of us worked on said movie this morning, and we managed to complete a full five scenes, which is an amazingly substantial amount of work for people like us with no attention span. What's really incredible is that we actually managed to squeeze a lunch break in without losing focus.

Speaking of lunch breaks, let me recommend to you all that you do not ever, for any reason, purchase Double Fudge Yoo-hoo. The only exception to this is if you're in the mood for Lucky Charms, because for whatever horrifying reason, this is exactly what it tastes like.

Sirens of Titan practice was not so good. We spent most of it working on a new song, and then everybody decided that they hated it, just when I'd figured out a horn part I really liked. Gah.

Now I'm off to be a consumer whore. The Rockaway Mall beckons me.

current mood: accomplished

(7 protests |yell at me)


Today was a fine day. A very happy birthday to Chelsea and Jim! Also, happy birthday to Ali and Neall, whose birthdays fell on the 18th of June, and to Andrew, whose birthday was the 16th. So many goddamn June birthdays. Apparently, Mid-September is a very popular time to be fertile.

So anyway, my alarm woke me up horribly at the ungodly hour of 10:00 this morning. Initially, I couldn't remember why exactly I had set my clock so early. I thought maybe I was attempting to play a practical joke...on myself. But then I remembered that I had promised to pick my sister up from school after her French 2 final. And since it was her birthday, I didn't really feel I had the option to ignore this request.

So I did the responsible thing and hit the snooze button, and immediately fell back asleep. When the alarm sounded again, I repeated this process. I finally woke up at 10:22 and headed over to the school in my pajamas.

When Chelsea entered the car, she completely ignored me and went straight for the birthday present I had planted on the passenger seat. She seemed somewhat confused by the "Merry Christmas" wrapping paper, but this delayed her only for mere seconds. Soon the DDR Max and Dance Pad were hers. Hopefully, she was pleased with these offerings.

I then slept for awhile. Had bizarre dreams in which I ate pie.

In the evening, I was invited by the mighty Brendan Fay to go see The Matrix Reloaded with some friends at a theater in Morristown that allegedly had an IMAX screen. My leaving the house to meet up with him marked the beginning of a long series of attempts to see the movie, all of which ultimately failed.

First off, I was 15 minutes late in arriving at the Fay household, much to the surprise of Jim, who commented that it was not my usual "Jess 25." I made up for this, however, by making us 35 minutes late to the theater. In my defense, Brendan and Jim were horrendous navigators.

The man at the ticket booth informed us of two very disappointing things: (1) we had arrived too late to purchase tickets to the movie, and (2) there was no IMAX screen. This made Brendan both a liar and a bad navigator.

After failing to catch the showing at the East Hanover theaters, we admitted defeat, and eventually just sorta went back to the Fays' and watched a movie and ate ice cream. The movie was The Majestic, and I was actually very impressed with it. It seems Jim Carrey can actually make itthrough an entire movie without being goofy.

Jim relentlessly made fun of Brian's computer, which he apparently had had for like two days before it exploded. Brian would yell at Jim, but then immediately feel guilty about it since it was his birthday. So we heard a lot of "FUCK YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY" throughout the evening. Hence the subject line.

All right, now it's time for naked time.

current mood: tired

(8 protests |yell at me)

Thursday, June 19th, 2003
3:45 am - My Pizza's Full of Stomach

So yeah, it's been an interesting few days.


Monday was a day dedicated to two things, and two things alone: (1) being unnecessarily awake, and (2) cheese fondue. And, as usual, these two things just so happen to fit into the larger category of "wasting my life," which appears to be the theme for this summer.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no better way to start off a morning than by being awoken prematurely by someone stupid, for a stupid reason. Let me give you an example of one such scenario. Please keep in mind that this is a hypothetical situation, and so resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental and unintentional.*

"Janet" is in bed, resting peacefully, innocently, bothering no one. Then, for reasons unclear to rational, kind human beings, "Jerkface McStepfather" knocks loudly on her bedroom door. Janet, however, is a heavy sleeper, and remains unaffected by the noise. This, of course, prompts Jerkface McStepfather to knock even louder, this time accompanied by shouts of, "Janet?? Janet??" Eventually, the excessive amount of noise he has created by doing this breaks through Janet's deep sleep.

"Wha...what?" Janet manages to let out, along with a string or two of drool.

"Oh, just seeing if you were awake or not," Jerkface McStepfather replies, and then walks away from the door, satisfied.

Janet curses.

The end.

This story is, of course, drastically different from what actually occured that morning. Oh wait, except for the part where my stepfather woke me up to see if I was awake.

It turned out not to be so bad, however, since I was supposed to wake up early anyway to go to Dan's house, and most likely would not have done so otherwise. So I went through my morning routine in preparation, and was just about to leave, when Dan called to tell me that stuff was happening at his house, and that he was going to come over instead. So, despite the fact that I was tired from the mere 5 hours of sleep I had obtained, I stayed awake, awaiting Dan's arrival.

After several hours of waiting in a semi-comatose state, Dan eventually signed online at about 2:00 and apologized for not showing up, because he had apparently fallen asleep. Bastard.

The events that followed have, for whatever reason, been completely removed from my memory. All I know is that, several hours later, I found myself at ShopRite with Katie and Liv, buying the supplies necessary for cheese fondue. During this trip, I learned that women's pantyhose is apparently not the normal kind. We saw a sign advertizing "No Nonsense Women's Pantyhose," right next to a sign advertizing "No Nonsense Regular Pantyhose." I can only imagine who exactly is sporting the latter.

On a related note, I can honestly say that there really is nothing quite like eating cheese fondue at 1:30 in the morning.


Pete came up to visit on Tuesday, which was fun. We did lots of nothing.

The one actual accomplishment for the day was that, at some point, I left my room and headed on over to the Rockaway Townsquare Mall, where I bought Chelsea her birthday gifts: DDR Max and a dance pad that's all fancy and does pretty things. Hopefully, she will not read this LiveJournal entry before I present it to her tomorrow morning.

We also watched Pod People, one of my favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, because Colin is a dumbass forgetful young man and left it at my house.


Yet another day that consisted of me happily wasting my life.

I discovered something interesting, however. You see, Chelsea doesn't have a bank account, so whenever she receives a check, she requires someone else to cash it for her. Generally, this person is our mother, but this time, I decided to give it a shot.

Not really knowing what I was doing, I figured if Chelsea just sorta signed the back of the check, and I handed them the card with my name and bank account number on it, that the check would somehow magically turn into money.

Naturally, it was not this simple. I was forced to go through an unnecessarily complicated process in which I deposited the check into my savings account while simultaneously withdrawing from the account the amount of money the check was made out for. Apparently, I am not allowed to cash other people's checks, but I am allowed to deposit them into my savings. This confuses me.

My family grilled things and then took us out for ice cream. Mmm, delicious ice cream.

Brain starting to make stupid things happen on keyboard. Jess sleep now.

* = denotes a horrible, ugly lie

current mood: inquisitive

(14 protests |yell at me)

Monday, June 16th, 2003
4:55 am - Yes, I Live On

Yeah, I'd say the ol' LiveJournal's about due for an update.

Right now, I am trying to recall if anything really significant has occurred since I last updated. Sadly, due to sleep deprivation, a lack of competency, and my general state of laziness, I can remember nothing beyond the last 24 hours. This is particularly unfortunate considering I haven't updated in roughly four-and-a-half months.

So, I will recap the noteworthy events of Sunday, June 15, 2003.

Procrastinating As Usual

I woke up this morning at 11:15, and immediately came to the horrible realization that it was Father's Day (and the day after my father's birthday), and I had neglected to purchase any sort of excuse for a card or gift.

Then, I remembered that I had a three-hour band practice beginning at 1:00.

Then, I remembered that Dad was arriving to collect Chelsea and me at 3:00.


So naturally, once I got out of bed, I promptly forgot all these things and proceeded to play The Sims for the next 55 minutes.

At 12:10 or so, I decided that it was time to get going, so I snagged my sister and off we rode to the Rockaway Townsquare Mall, where we acquired a birthday card, two Father's Day cards (one for that crazy Steve-man who lives with us), and a $25 gift card to FYE. We also ran into Jim's mom at the card store. It relieved me to know that Chelsea and I are not the only procrastinators I know. And, when you get right down to it, I can't even really rightfully call Chelsea a procrastinator since she doesn't have a car and would have gone earlier had I chosen to.

But, we got our shopping done. And, in the end, that's what counts.

Outback Steakhouse

Nothing really memorable happened during our Father's Day dinner except for the following exchange between the waiter and me:

Waiter: And will you be having any dessert this evening?
Me: Yeah, we're, uh, gonna have the Chocolate Thunder From Down Under.
Waiter: Ooh, great choice.
Me: Oh, hey, is there any way you could possibly put like some sorta birthday candle in it?
Waiter: Well, we don't really have candles.
Me: Well perhaps if you could light it on fire then, that would be really great.
(Waiter winks at me and then walks away)

Disappointingly, rather than a glorious blazing fire, all we received with our dessert was a bunch of singing Outback Steakhouse employees. Next time, I'm bringing some matches. And a pitch pipe.

I Feel Smart In The Brain

After spending the afternoon with my dad, I figured my day was basically over. Then Jim decided to randomly be inside my house with a chess board. So I learned how to play chess, mainly because of peer pressure. Apparently, "all the intellectuals do it." That's sufficient reasoning for me, really.

Whoa, it's late and I need to be less awake, and more asleep. And naked.

current mood: rambly

(9 protests |yell at me)

Sunday, June 15th, 2003
8:01 pm - Hmm....

I'm not really sure what all this means.

luckysnorkel 103%
apocalypselater 100%
themonkey 98%
bison101 97%
katiekisses 97%
mikkithegoddess 97%
elmiton 95%
haruka3 95%
snoobs86 95%
turtleshoes 95%
arcadius 94%
sanluyene 93%
saxchick01 92%
liv4ever 91%
strikerobi 91%
matrix8909 87%
shamaka 85%
thejll 85%
lemur_cat 84%
skippypbgirl 84%
colinsmashyou 81%
mirandathejoy 80%
How compatible with me are YOU?

current mood: compatible

(13 protests |yell at me)

Sunday, January 26th, 2003
12:48 am - Cornade

My life as of late has been delightfully bizarre.

Thursday night, upon his request, I made a shirt for John Breznen that read: "STRAIGHTER THAN A BACKSTREET BOY." Sadly, this process took much longer than it should have, because I lack the ability to spell. I accidentally wrote "STRAIGTER" on the first one, which I attempted to make up for by carroting an "H" into the proper place. Of course, that just looked silly. So I gave up, jotted down "Jess = Dumb" near the bottom of the shirt, and then tried again. Ah, the things that can be accomplished with a sharpie and an overpriced undershirt from the GAP.

I also dyed Breznen's hair a lovely auburn color. He seemed pleased.

Watched the movie Signs on DVD as well. John Meekin and I, who had previously seen the movie, wet ourselves a second time over. Breznen was less than impressed. Adam started watching the movie with us, but at some point he morphed into Cal and proceeded to drink all my juice.

On a somewhat related note, barbequed chicken is a surprisingly tasty pizza topping. Thank you, Adam Ivy.

Friday night was eventful as well. The womens' fencing team hightailed it over to Baltimore for a meet at Johns Hopkins University. We saw the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile on the way there.


(Jess and roomates Maya, Danna, and Kristen are standing outside the door to their hotel room, room 210, while Jess fumbles with the key in a manner that suggests she is trying to unlock the door.)
Jess: Boy, I sure am glad we're finally at our room. I can't wait to relieve myself of all this ridiculously heavy luggage and go get some food.
(Jess throws open the door triumphantly. The four girls are about to enter, but stop dead in their tracks when they realize that something is terribly, terribly wrong.)
Maya: ....
Jess: ....
Danna: ....
Kristen: ....
Maya: That's...a toilet. In the middle of the floor. Three feet from the door.
Jess: Holy shit, somebody get a camera!
(Commotion erupts. Other fencing team members, and even a few random hotel guests, gather by the door to see the misplaced toilet. A picture is taken by Danna. It is at this point that Adam walks out of his room next door, looks at us funny, and begins walking over.)
Adam: What are you guys doing? Why haven't you entered your room ye......oh.

So Maya and I go back to the front desk and explain to the confused hotel employee that our room is unsatisfactory, due to the absense of a functional toilet, and the presence of an ill-placed decorative one.

(Armed with a new key, Jess and her roomates approach their second room, 235.)
Jess: Um...there's a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door handle. Is that bad?
Maya: Eh, go for it anyway.
Jess: Well, alright.
(Jess opens the door and walks in a few steps, only to see the end of a bed with a pair of legs on it, facing a TV that was turned on and tuned into Rugrats.)
Jess: Er...oops. (abruptly closes the door) Goddamn it.

Luckily, the third time's a charm, and after an estimated 30 minutes of confusion, we finally found ourselves in a room free of misplaced appliances and extra inhabitants. Whew!

Dinner at the Bel-Loc Diner was highly amusing. Steph and Kat did impersonations of a pineapple. I refused to eat at the salad bar because it was too far away. Maya was trying to figure out if the name of the restaurant was the Elvish word for friend. (It turns out it wasn't, according Nadia. D'oh!) Fun times were had by all.

Saturday, I ROCKED HARDCORE at the meet. I fenced 12 bouts, won 6. I beat this one girl from James Madison University 5-0, in 38 seconds. I'm very proud of myself, I think I did pretty fucking awesome considering I only learned to fence in October!

Okay. I have to leave in 7 hours for another meet, this time at Vassar. Sleep is in order. Goodnight all!

current mood: excited

(3 protests |yell at me)

Monday, January 20th, 2003
2:36 am - So Much To Say


I haven't updated in awhile, partially because I've been busy, and partially because I'm a horrible person.

I am currently at Drew University, although classes don't commence for another week yet. I am here for fencing purposes. I have been training intensively, and definitely, definitely not doing anything stupid. Seriously.

The following is a list of things I have learned over the past week:

- Baldwin ain't all that
- the dance for Britney Spears' "Crazy" (thank you, Darrin's Dance Grooves!)
- Brothers' College is not entirely intruder-proof
- nor is my dormitory
- nor is the athletic forum
- emergency exit alarms appear to be nothing more than a myth
- there is a Comic Book Bible
- being outgoing pays off
- those mat things that pole vaulters land on are definitely not as bouncy as they look
- The Two Towers just gets better with each viewing
- what it means to "shotgun"
- letting someone with no artistic abilities give you a henna tattoo with a fork is just not a good idea
- how to fence better

I think I'll write a better update when I'm conscious. But I promise nothing.

Most overused quote of the night, by yours truly: "I'm fine." (stumbles)

current mood: stumbly

(9 protests |yell at me)

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